The reason so many guys don’t attract their wives is because they’re missing three vital concepts about attraction …
- Attraction Doesn’t Grow Itself
- Someone Has to Take on the Job of Building Attraction
- You’re the One Best Suited for the Job
Attraction Doesn’t Grow Itself
When you first started dating your wife, sex was great! Hot, frequent, fun. The novelty of a new relationship provided all the dopamine you needed for her to be into you.
Dopamine … the pleasure neurotransmitter triggered by novelty and new experiences
It didn’t stay that way, though. Dopamine dropped as routine set in. The excitement and attraction waned, you started getting lots of excuses for why she didn’t want sex, and your hurt, anger and resentment started to build.
You turned yourself inside out to turn her on, to no avail. You didn’t realize you were doing all the wrong things that sapped your energy, but ultimately had no impact on attraction, so you gave up.
Sexual rejection stinks. It’s immensely painful. No one who hasn’t gone through it can understand how soul-deadening it is when your partner doesn’t want you.
That’s the bad news. The good news is that right now, today, you have the power to intensify attraction in your marriage.
Someone Has to Take on the Job
To strengthen attraction in a marriage, someone has to consciously and intentionally do the things that cause attraction to flourish. Why? Because if no one consciously chooses to make changes, sex and desire stagnate and you end up with a dead bedroom.
Law of Entropy … the natural tendency of things to lose order. Left to itself, everything decays. You must expend energy to fight the downward slide.
Many guys have a tough time with this. They disregard the Law of Entropy. Despite all evidence to the contrary, they want to keep believing the myth that attraction naturally grows on its own, that love equals attraction. It’s simply not true.
Attraction is triggered by dopamine, what we produce when faced with a novel situation or an uncertain outcome. Marriage is the perfect breeding ground for complacency, and complacency is the enemy of attraction.
Left to itself, attraction in your marriage will continue to wither away unless you take specific steps to counter the decline. Luckily, it’s fairly easy to repair attraction and desire once you know what you’re doing.
You’re the One Best Suited for the Job
In your marriage, you are the ideal candidate to take on the responsibility of restoring attraction. This may be a new concept. You may never have thought of it as your ‘job’ to do the things that build attraction.
Why should it be your responsibility, though? Why should you be the one to put forth the effort? That’s a question I get all the time, both in blog comments and in emails. Some guys get really angry at the idea.
The why of it is four-fold.
The first reason for you to expend energy to attract your wife is that the payoff is huge. To state the obvious, the reason you do the work to attract your wife is because you want a wife who’s attracted.
The second reason is because you’re currently the higher-drive partner. It’s all well and good to apply equality and say your wife should do her share, but here’s the deal. If she’s presently the lower-drive partner and less attracted, she doesn’t care about doing the things that bring more sex. That’s what being unattracted means. The one with the higher drive always has more incentive to change the marriage.
The third reason for taking on the responsibility of building attraction in your marriage is a bit more complex.
Simply put, you are the best-qualified partner to do it because women tend to be responsive to men, and are attracted to very specific behaviors and qualities. Start engaging in those behaviors, and attraction rises.
The fourth reason is that taking responsibility feels good. Taking the job on means taking power. And being powerful is a reward in and of itself.
You know that impotent feeling you have every time she turns you down? That feeling goes away when you finally take charge of the situation.
Seth Godin has a brilliant YouTube video that says it best …
“The brilliant insight that changes everything for people is realizing that responsibility is never given, it’s taken. And if you choose to take responsibility, all these doors open up, and you get a totally different life in exchange.”
Responsibility = Power … the power to get what you want from your marriage. Responsibility isn’t a burden, it’s a gift.
Guys Who Take Responsibility are Powerful
Powerful guys assume responsibility. Women are attracted to powerful men. Hence, when you take charge, your wife becomes more attracted. Simple facts, but life changing when you act on them.
“If You Choose to Take Responsibility, All These Doors Open Up.”
Take responsibility for creating attraction in your marriage and you get the marriage you want. Leave it up to your wife and nothing changes.
You Already Have the Power to Attract Your Wife
Want to attract your wife? Want crazy hot sex?
I can tell you all you’ll ever need to know about attraction in under an hour. That’s the easy part.
The moment of truth is whether you take it upon yourself to act on the information. At this exact moment you already have the power to amplify attraction in your marriage. You can choose to either use that power … or pass it by.
“Responsibility isn’t given, it’s taken.”
Understand that no one will give you a green light; you simply decide to take charge.
Once you make the choice to build attraction in your marriage, a whole new world opens up. Once you start doing the things that attract women, you get the passionate wife and crazy hot sex you’ve always wanted.
The only thing you have to do is … Take Responsibility.
Ready to Get What You Want from Your Marriage?
If you’re ready to change your marriage, here’s what you need to do …
- Take a look at the blog posts in ‘Attracting Your Wife’. Not to be unhumble, but some of them are pure gold.
- Watch Seth Godin’s amazing video about how to get what you want from your life. Never heard of Seth? The man is brilliant. You’re in for a treat.
- Do something for yourself. Stop living for your wife; stop doing so much for her. She’s not the princess and you’re not her butler. Stop orbiting your wife and find an activity you love to do at least twice a week.
- If you’re really ready to go hard core, contact me for private coaching. It will change your marriage.
Taking responsibility. Taking power. It’s a good thing.