Second in a series of Weekend Tips to Build Attraction in Your Marriage
Last week, I talked about how to lead by pulling your wife into your orbit with positive energy and a sense of fun.
Another aspect of leadership is simply being someone who has a plan. Think of your family as a mini-corporation that needs active direction to run well. Too many families drift with no sense of purpose or organization. Decisions and plans are made on the fly with no forward thinking. There’s a vacuum of leadership that results in a sense of aimlessness and vague chaos.
Be the Man with the Plan
Men who are willing to step into that vacuum inspire respect. Take the initiative to think proactively about where your family needs to go, both literally and metaphorically. Analyze your family dynamics and consider what your family’s purpose should be.
What do you want your family to look like six months from now, a year from now, five years from now? What are your family’s priorities? Consider each family member, their strengths and weaknesses, wants and needs, and how everyone fits together as a whole.
That’s a pretty lofty goal, so let’s break it down into smaller steps.
Set Up A Weekly Planning Meeting
The first thing to do is to invite your wife to sit down with you for a planning meeting this weekend. Plan a time where the kids are occupied, and you won’t have distractions. Make it enjoyable. Some couples make a habit of going to a local coffee shop for their planning meeting, some meet outside on the deck. My husband and I have our meeting on Sunday afternoons; he brings his coffee, I bring my tea, and we plan our week.
Decide on the Agenda
You want to start small. (Remember the concept of kaizen.) The first meeting or two, keep it simple. Take a look at what your week is going to look like. Discuss your own personal goals for the week, let your wife discuss hers, and talk about logistics … who’s taking whom where? Keep it short, no more than 30 minutes to start.
Eventually, as you build credibility and consistency, you’ll discuss long-term goals, career planning, finances and investments, etc. But all that’s for the future; right now, you’re just putting down the first layer of bricks.
Keep Track of What You Discuss
Take notes during the meeting so you can track progress. My husband takes notes on his phone, I find it easier to use my laptop. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but you want to build your wife’s confidence in your leadership ability. Not following through erodes any gains you make in your planning meeting.
What doesn’t get measured doesn’t get done.
Touch Base Mid-Week
Take a few minutes mid-week to go over your notes and track progress. Adjust things as needed. It goes a long way toward building reliability and confidence.
Invite Your Wife’s Participation
Your wife’s response to your invitation will depend on how much trust and respect currently exist in your marriage. If things have been rough in the marriage for a while, she may not trust your intentions. Try these ideas to help it go smoothly:
- Present the idea of a planning meeting in a positive way, “Hey, let’s set aside a time this weekend to talk about what next week is going to look like.”
- Ask her what her priorities are.
- Be open to any concerns she wants to voice.
- Ask her what time and place work best for her.
- Discuss ideas about the best format.
Keep It Consistent
No matter how your wife responds, stay consistent with the planning meetings. That’s the only way to build credibility and trust. It doesn’t matter if the two of you aren’t feeling warm and fuzzy, it doesn’t matter if she’s turned you down for sex, or she’s been snarky. You can’t let temporary emotions derail your goals. Even if she refuses to participate at all, still set aside time to look at the upcoming week’s priorities. Eventually, as you build positive leadership, you will pull your wife in.
Planning Meetings Build Both Attraction and Intimacy/Connection
What I like most about planning meetings is they impact not only Connection/Intimacy, but also Attraction. Women are attracted to strong, decisive leaders. They also feel more comfortable with a man who has the vision to plan ahead, instead of letting life toss him this way and that.
Women are attracted to men who lead.
It’s no coincidence that women are drawn to powerful leaders. You might not lead a country or large corporation, but you can lead your own family. It may take some time to build trust and credibility with your wife and kids, especially if things have been rocky, but be patient and persist, and you will gradually build the marriage you want and get the respect you deserve.